1 “What to say and what not to say”
The never-ending tussle between parents and kids starts when parents think they are always correct and always try to correct their kids.
When parenting centres only around parents instead of kids toxicity begins; if not checked at the initial stages it gradually snowballs into hatred, confusion and distrust.
Be it the way you speak, or the words you tell your kid or even your body language can mend or break your relationship with your child:
2 “He/she is better than you"
Do not ever compare your child to others. This breaks the bond of love, trust and confidence that your kid has on you.
It is a general trait of parents to compare their kids to others and this trait stems from jealousy. When a child in the neighbourhood does better than their kid, parents often get jealous and expect the same from their kids. There are very few cases where parents actually let their kid live up to their own talents and capabilities.
3 "Do not be friends with him/ her"
Friendship is an important part of every person's life. Kids often confide in their friends and as they grow up together and the trust between them builds up.
So, do not speak against your child's friend in a stern way. Even if you sense any trouble, be patient and speak to the child politely.
4 "You were a mistake"
Very often parents pass this remark to their child as a joke. While some kids do not take it seriously, many other kids tend to react to it aggressively. Never tell a child that he or she was not planned and was a mistake. This will make the child feel neglected and the child will gradually isolate from you.
5 "You have been a burden for us"
Even if you are burdened with some other stress, make sure not to vent it out on your child. It is likely that as a mother or father you are most likely to release your anger and frustration on your child, but a moment's uncontrollable action might be dangerous for your child.
6 Giving false assurances, making dishonest promises
Parents often make promises of vacation, a favorite toy or a choicest dress in return of good marks and academic excellences.
The harmful effects of such promises and assurances can be proved through several ways.
First of all, it makes your child dependent on material items. Your child becomes prone to living a life of conditions. The greed of getting luxurious items in exchange for excellence will affect his or her decision making ability. The child will always look forward to a conditional result.
Secondly, laying down conditions as such will definitely put more responsibility on you to fulfill it. Several times it has been seen that parents forget their promises and when confronted deny making any promises at all. This will teach your kid about dishonesty.
7 "I had so much expectations from you"
While on one hand it is obvious to expect from your child, on the other hand it is wrong to impose it. Do not force your child to fulfill your dreams and ambitions.
Your child has come to the world with a unique set of talents, do not push him or her to fulfill your unfilled dreams and hopes. This way you are suppressing the inborn talents of your child, which if given proper scope might be better and bigger than your dreams! Give your child the space he or she wants.